You are Safe, You Are Loved, You are Enough.
We learn behaviors and practice patterns that eventually run deeper and reach farther back than our active mind can recall.
In times of shift, of loneliness, of uncertainty, of lack of love, of stress and intensity, these behaviors arise to keep safe that part of you that is struggling and trying to reach out.
There isn’t a logical conveyance of words to accompany the pattern- it’s felt, and it’s deep.
There are layers beyond it “just being a pattern” as well; often it’s generational- a family or group cultured practice that has been taught for decades and more.
Feeling connected to earth, tribe, and belonging (for me) my pattern of love-seeking self-soothing behavior has been food.
At those peak times of emotional/spiritual/psychological intensity there is a craving to consume and satiate a baseness that is inconsolable and uncontrollable.
There used to be an attached thought to this phenomena, that it was a ‘self-saboteur’; something that I needed to integrate and root out. But I feel into it differently now.
At one time, and still in SOME times now, this was a very helpful tool. It allows a moment of safety from the storm.
I notice there is this observance of the logical rational mind that has been in control all day long- captaining the shift, doing the due diligence and the system checks— All is in order and all is well.
..And then a time of day occurs, often after having had a very long day— and there is still much to be done (and often much that I FEEL must be done, although may not, in truth, need to be done today).
I will soldier on, I will do- but the demonic energy must be fed. The logical self is overrun and there must be a smothering and consumption of energy that is demanded for me to complete the tasks- the grunt work and drudgery of cleaning/prepping to DO MORE the next day.
There is a knowing that this pattern is being allowed because the vision of where and WHAT I would like to wholly be doing is not met. Because there is an unmet need there is this deep desire to feed. Because love, community, and connection to a deeper purpose THAT IS BEING ACTIONED ON IN REAL TIME, is not being followed through with, the Demon of Doership must be sated now to allow me to “keep going” beyond the normal necessary means.
There is no need to follow the smothering with reprimands or self-flagellation.
This is a signpost on the trail.
“Demon Doership” is really the hyper masculine warrior savage energy that will, at all costs, GET. IT. DONE. That is a superpower that has great cost to the user. You will accomplish the day, but for that undertaking there must be penance paid to that usage and a toll will be registered.
If great visions are to be realized and a personal world of purpose are to shift into your reality, the place of faith must be amplified. In no uncertain terms- you must concretize the perceived state into a living dream. ‘Striding to the next space- Visualize it. ‘Taking a breath between the mundane day to day- Visualize it. ‘When you wake up, Visualize it. ‘Before you go to bed- Visualize it.
Then, as often as possible, dedicate honest and disciplined efforts to putting yourself forward, pushing the fear barrier, “doing differently,” and shifting the boundary of what was thought of as a possibility— broken into digestible bites of today’s reality.
Today’s Demon of Doership was an angel in disguise. ‘Showing you spirit’s requests through actions that felt offensive to your code- that Grit is where the grains of truth grate your essence- your observance is the scratch where you peel the layer of untruth away and light your path forward.
It IS here now.
There IS no other way.
As a man of action- action you will take.
Do not stop.
Do not bend for anyone.
This is the time.
You have arrived.
You are here to thrive.
No more small dramas.
You ARE beyond your perceived abilities.
It is done.